Posted on August 03 2015
Have you ever wanted to wear a hat but worried you’d look like Pharrell Williams in his Arby’s hat? (Where does he even find those things?) Do not fret my friend! Here is a breakdown of 7 hats and what they say about you.
Getting this out of the way, ball caps are for playing ball, not for balling. There’s a difference. If you want to be a baller, toss your baseball cap. Moving on...
1. The Fedora
The human race took a poll, and it turns out women hate Fedoras. Or to be specific men wearing them. If you are a man sporting it, you are one of two things. 1) You’re trying to channel your inner Sinatra and massively, massively failing. Or 2) you literally are Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Are you American actor, singer and filmmaker Joseph Leonard Gordon-Levitt? Because if you are I humbly apologize. Sinatra and Joseph Gordon-Levitt can pull them off because they have something in common. They both have other things to offer. Timeless voice, phenomenal acting. I’m not saying other people don’t have these things. You might. But we don’t know that. All we know is you’re trying to show us your Fedora, and we don’t like it.
2. The Trilby Hat
Trilbies are retro. A perfect laid-back hat for a classy gent. The Trilby is the Fedora’s much cool older brother. Similar to a Fedora, a Trilby has a slightly smaller brim that traditionally slopes sharply down in front and up at the back. Stylish. Classy. Dashing. All the reasons to put this bad boy atop your charming face.
3. The Bowler Hat
Do you have a perfectly gelled handlebar mustache? Or do you look like you just walked out of the 19th century, with your classy talk and your monocle? Then yes to the Bowler hat. Ever wonder where this hat got its name? The very first bowler hat was designed by Edward Coke in 1849 and later developed by London hat makers Thomas and William Bowlers. This hat should be thought of as more of an icon than a practical modern-day accessory. It’s massive body and thin brim does not offer much protection from the elements anyway. Thank you Bowler for your contribution to fashion, but alas we must bid adieu.
4. The Deerstalker Hat
The Deerstalker, AKA the Sherlock Holmes hat. Only Benedict Cumberbatch playing the character of Sherlock Holes can pull this off, and even he knows he looks like a total and complete asshat while doing so. See what I did there?
5. The Porkpie Hat
A quick shout-out to my homeboy Walter White for bringing back the Porkpie. While some may argue that Justin Timberlake was the one to bring back to Porkpie, let me say one thing. 90’s Top Ramen Hair. So who’s the real man here? The Porkpie hat originated in the 1830s, primarily worn by women. It later shifted to more of a men’s piece in the 1920s after Buster Keaton started wearing them in his silent films. Nowadays wearing a Porkpie hat gives a nod to early 20th century fashion, particularity the 1930’s/1940’s esthetics.
6. The Newsboy Cap
Newsboy hats are worn by a very particular crowd. It involves the quieter, artistic and maybe a little dash of unique men. A celebrity known to sport it time and time again is Brad Pitt. Newsboy caps are sometimes referred to as the Poor Boy’s Cap as they were commonly worn in the late 19th century, early 20th. Wearing this hat evokes a “working class” feel.
7. The Beanie
Last and definitely not let least, we have the beanie. The hipster’s crown. What better way to show the world you did it first than by putting a bag made of yarn on your head. This crown does not come without burden of responsibility. Wear it wrong and you’ll look like a complete idiot. Synonymous with indoor sunglasses and shorts in the snow, a beanie in the summer only validates the hipster haters. No one needs that kind of negativity. We know you got that head sweat going on under there. Pair a beanie with an on-point outfit, and you’re golden. Ladies. Will. Swoon.
Your hat choice says a lot about you. And we all know how ladies love to over-analyze. Because hats are not the norm these days, a man that can pull off a hat in style will be a bold, stylized trendsetter. Hats when worn well show self-confidence, so just remember to do you.